You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
