So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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