Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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