Pappa wants mamma naked
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
