I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
