ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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