One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
