I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize