I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
