Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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