think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
