everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
