My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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