I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
