ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I checked into jail on foursquare
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
