I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
