Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
