Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
