Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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