we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Text me some of your sweat
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
