I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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