R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm drive I can fine osifer
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
