This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
