We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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