I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
