I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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