I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
