Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
