at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize