I just pynch a tree in the face
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
we made out on top of his cat.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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