your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
