that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
