I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
