I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
