we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
