I accidentally burped into my bong.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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