I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
