she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
