I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
