she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
