I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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