I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
ok first of all what the fuck
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
