Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
