I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
