you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize