8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
