So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You dont lie about slip and slides
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize