think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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