Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
