remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
