Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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