Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
