yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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