She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
