chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
this just has baby written all over it
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
