I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
