spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
