How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
