he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
