girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize