I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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