I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
