so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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