your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
