I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
