I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize